Life is Hard - You're Not Failing

Most of us can relate to having occasional periods of self-doubt. An ongoing inner voice that questions whether you can do something. A general lack of belief in yourself. What we neglect to acknowledge is that just because you believe something about yourself doesn't make it true. Especially if it is self-defeating.

 

Believing in yourself means having confidence in your own abilities and trusting your efforts. Because, what you believe directly influences how you feel, behave and how you interpret situations. If you believe you can’t handle stress, you’ll be less likely to take chances or be open to new opportunities. If you believe you’re socially awkward, you may avoid getting to know people or attempting to make social connections. If you believe you aren’t good enough, you will approach most things in life with a sense of inadequacy and lack of confidence. You will set your sights low.

 

HOW OFTEN DO YOU SAY…?

  • I do/don’t – boxing yourself in with limitations

  • I can’t – creating beliefs about your abilities

  • I should/shouldn’t –keeping you stuck in self-judgment and self-doubt

  • I am/am not – limiting who/what you are or are not

  • Others are/will – giving priority to what others think of you

 

Beliefs about yourself usually start in childhood. Self-doubt and feeling disempowered often begins with friends and family who think they are helping by giving advice, telling you who they think you are, or reminding you of your flaws. Over time, your own voice is lost amongst the others.

 

PEOPLE WHO BELIEVE IN THEMSELVES:

  • Feel comfortable doing what they believe is right, even when criticized

  • Trust themselves in taking risks while working toward a goal or dream

  • Are able to admit their mistakes and try to learn from them

  • Do not expect praise for their accomplishments, and do not feel the need to boast

  • Accept compliments with genuine gratitude

  • Are less likely to be jealous or controlling of others

  • Set healthy boundaries

  • Believe they can make good decisions most of the time or manage it when they don’t

 

If you recognize that your self-assuredness is fragile, start by asking, “whose voice do you hear saying that you’re not enough?” What old messages lead you to doubt yourself? Deeply rooted beliefs don’t disappear on their own. It takes effort to challenge & replace those beliefs that do not serve you well.

 

  • Look for evidence that is contrary to your self-limiting beliefs

  • Practice stopping negative self-talk. Rewrite it with positive thoughts

  • Take inventory of what you’ve achieved. Think about your strengths

  • Know your values and prioritize them in your life choices

  • Tune out the “shoulds” and instead, know what you are willing to do and not do

  • Practice accepting failure. You won’t always achieve your goals, and that’s okay

  • Acknowledge your efforts – they are often more important than the end result

  • Celebrate your successes and file them away for positive reminders in the future

 

Challenging old, negative beliefs takes time. Out of all the beliefs a person can hold, strong belief in yourself is the most powerful one. If there are people in your life who consistently lead you to distrust yourself. Take a step back from their influence and allow your own voice to become louder.

Heather Kassman