YOU CAN DO HARD THINGS

It’s tough to keep going with something when there are obstacles and you have little hope that hard work will be enough. I hear this a lot when clients talk about wanting to work on their mental health or personal growth. There is a desire for things to change, but good intentions only go so far. 

Self-improvement requires effort, and at times you need to take emotional risks or get uncomfortable in order for change to occur. Some people lean into doing the work, while others back off. It can be especially difficult if things start off going well and then take a turn for the worse. It’s natural to avoid discomfort, fear or distress when things go wrong. At the first sign of difficulty, our brains try and convince us that we’re better off doing something easier, or to completely abandon the hard stuff.

REASONS PEOPLE STOP TRYING

·      Assuming immediate results – change takes time and small steps. Patience is important.

·      Resisting change – struggling with the unknown/uncertainty of what the outcome might be.

·      Believing your problems are unique – they may not be common, but you’re also not the only one.

·      High expectations – perfectionism rather than good enough to start.

·      Feeling burned out from so many things pulling your attention and energy.

·      Lack of confidence – focusing on past mistakes or what’s gone wrong.

·      Give up power – dwelling on others’ involvement rather than being assertive in your own process.

·      Self-talk – seeing the difficulties instead of, “I have choices. I know my needs. I can find support.”

·      Fear of failure – worried about something not working out rather than seeing possibilities.

·      Unable to visualize potential – fear of failure or getting hopes up.

·      Stuck in the belief that life is unfair – feeling sorry for yourself.

People shut themselves down all the time. We concentrate on how hard things are, what might go wrong, and get stuck in feeling like life is conspiring against us. What if you switched your thoughts to focus more on WHO YOU WANT TO BE. Ask yourself how giving up serves you – how do you benefit by choosing not to keep trying?

WHAT IS POSSIBLE…

·      Visualize accomplishment, success or positive results

·      Work with what is within your control, instead of unknown outcomes

·      Focus on small, manageable steps, gather information. Growth takes time, effort and patience

·      Acknowledge possible obstacles and figure out how to work around/with them

·      Get support – people to help you reflect on how you’ve progressed and motivate you to keep going

·      Make it official; put the steps on the calendar and carve out time

·      Keep expectations realistic. Do not take on too much

·      Accept that there will be discomfort. Remember that you can survive roadblocks, you have support, you will learn and pivot if necessary

Therapy, meditating, exercise, eating well, limiting electronic temptations, ending toxic relationships, standing up for yourself, asking for help, trusting change…it’s all hard. AND, you will be okay with the challenge.