YOU COMPLETE-COMPLIMENT ME

YOU COMPLETE/COMPLEMENT ME

If someone you love told you that you complete them, be honest, you might feel flattered at such a romantic statement. Now, take a minute and really think about that belief. Do you believe that you need another person to make you whole, or to experience true happiness? If so, we need to talk. The idea that you are incomplete without a “better half”, or someone else who makes you a total person, is romantic at best, and dysfunctional at worst. It implies that you are not good enough on your own. It suggests that you need a partner in order to live to your fullest potential and happiness.

Ideally, a healthy relationship consists of two people who are ‘complete’ on their own and ready to complement each other; supplementing the relationship with individual attributes (humor, creativity, adventuresome spirit, supportive nature). You are much bigger than the role you play in each other’s lives. When two people bring their own complete selves to the relationship with the intention to share it, rather than rely on each other to fill your deficits, there is a foundation of stability to build upon together.

If you are dependent on someone to make you whole, there is a real risk of codependency, insecurity, and for your partner to no longer be able to carry the weight of you feeling faulty, broken, or incomplete. That’s too much pressure – after all, they need to tend to themselves and their well-being too.

“YOU COMPLETE ME” MAY LEAD TO:

·      Neediness and reliance on your partner to get things done or to feel good

·      Insecurity that things aren’t going well in the relationship

·      Regular arguments or disagreements

·      Unwillingness for either partner to compromise

·      Criticism when one person needs help – instead of a willingness to help

·      Burnout – one person feeling overwhelmed by the other being “too much”

·      Dependence – not feeling capable on your own; unable to see how great you are as is

COMPLEMENTING LEADS TO:

·      Strong sense of self

·      Supporting each other to improve

·      Encouraging each other to pursue friendships, hobbies and interests – separate from each other

·      Working together to accomplish tasks, to grow and learn

·      Each person working on your own, to explore who you are, who you want to become, how to get there

·      Even when there are arguments and disagreements, your love for each other is not weakened

·      Never running out of something to talk about, teach each other, or share with each other

Recognize how you and your partner are different – what each of your skills, strengths and challenges are. Then learn to work with the many ways you might complement and support each other. Work on dividing up tasks rather than needing to do everything together.

You do not need another person to complete you. You are enough on your own, and so are they.