Do You Have Something To Say?

A big part of my job is about helping people put words to their thoughts, opinions, and experiences. We work on identifying and learning to express such emotions as anger, resentment, shame, disappointment, jealousy, and fear – and establish how they contribute to a person’s narrative.

It’s one thing to identify those, and yet another to articulate them. Many people bottle up or withhold their feelings and thoughts. This often results in believing that they are overlooked or insignificant. How you express yourself reflects how you feel about yourself. If you regularly notice others speaking over you, ignoring or discounting you, it’s possible that you don’t value yourself enough to let your voice be heard.

PEOPLE DON’T SPEAK UP DUE TO FEAR OF…

  • Being rejected or not accepted

  • Being ignored

  • Being discounted, shot down or attacked

  • Disappointing someone because of who you are

  • Losing a relationship if you reveal your true thoughts

  • Nothing changing by you speaking up – not getting results

 

When you do not speak up, you risk losing touch with yourself; feeling confused about what you think, feel, believe, and even what you like to do. Finding your voice is not always easy. It takes courage and introspection.

LET YOUR VOICE BE HEARD

  • Think about what you’re afraid of when you hesitate to speak up for yourself.

  • Ensure your safety first. There are some situations where saying something puts you at risk.

  • Tap into what you want to say and how you want to convey it.

  • Envision yourself saying it. Prepare in advance and practice.

  • Create the space – limit potential distractions, make it clear you need full attention.

  • Be clear, speak with intention. Take your time to say it exactly how you want to.

  • Own what you have to say. It’s yours and there is no need to apologize, justify or be defensive.

  • Use “I” as much as possible. “I noticed, I feel, I need…” Stay away from attacking or making statements like, “I feel like YOU…”

  • Prepare for all outcomes. The other person does not have to agree. 

  • Listen. If you make a strong statement, they likely want to respond. Be open to hearing them. 

It’s never too late to speak your mind, even if you couldn’t find the right words in the moment. Circle back and let people know what you were thinking about after the fact. Your voice is important. If you are with people who choose not to hear it or try to silence it, consider changing who you spend time with. Find others who want to know what you have to say.

Heather Kassman