Are You Comfortable In Chaos?
Most people believe that life is most enjoyable when things are quiet, or settled. And yet, some people appear to actually do better when life is chaotic, filled with drama, or when they are in crisis. While it doesn’t feel “good” to be stressed or feel like things are regularly out of control, there are reasons some folks seem to thrive in the midst of turmoil as a way of life.
HOW OFTEN DO YOU…?
Arrive late – to work, school, meetings, parties, commitments, social activities, etc.
Feel rushed, scattered, or frenzied
Spread yourself thin - overcommitting, always on the go
Check your phone, email or social media; looking for news, or something to talk about
Get uncomfortable when things are quiet or peaceful
Have difficulty following through with tasks, projects, chores, or relaxing because something ‘important’ comes up
If any of these ring true for you, it might be worth exploring what’s behind it. While it’s possible that some of the chaos in your life is truly out of your control, or that “bad luck” has arbitrarily followed you around - there may be more to it than just pure coincidence or misfortune.
CONSIDER THESE POSSIBILITIES
This is the story you tell yourself and others. Look at your social media posts, or what you choose to tell people who you haven’t seen in a while. Are your conversations filled with tales of hardships and adversity, more than recounting celebrations and moments of happiness?
It is part of your identity. What descriptors come to mind when you think about who you are? Do you see yourself as someone who struggles a lot, runs into one obstacle after another, or who can’t seem to get a break? Or maybe you think of yourself as someone who always has to “fix” things, rescue others, or be in the middle of conflict, because you can handle it better than others.
You’re secretly addicted to living in the midst of drama. The increased adrenaline and boost in cortisol creates a heightened state that makes us feel “alive”. Unfortunately, when things get quiet or mundane, we crave another kick of excitement. Even when drama centers around negative events, if you find yourself eager to tell others about it, take notice.
You feel helpless or without power/control. Whether you don’t feel strong enough or assertive enough to stop the chaos, OR if you honestly believe that there are no other alternatives… understand that you can gain some control over your reality. You might need some support.
You hold some beliefs that this is “your lot in life” or that in some way you deserve to live a life of chaos. This could stem from old childhood beliefs or be tied to more recent experiences. Either way, no one “deserves” a life absent of peace or joy.
You’re not sure how to live without drama or turmoil. It sounds boring, and maybe even scary. You might worry that if things are too quiet, then you’ll be left to face deeper thoughts and feelings that you’re not ready to deal with.
Recognize that living in ongoing chaos, drama, or crisis is not healthy. What do you imagine your life could be without so much noise and disorder as your “normal”?