I See You
It feels so amazing to spend time with people who know you in a way that you feel truly “seen”. I regularly hear people talk about how even when they are surrounded by others, it seems like their existence isn’t actually acknowledged or valued, beyond superficial interaction.
Have you ever worked hard at something or experienced something important, only to have it go unnoticed? How often do you feel like others really HEAR you? Who in your life understands what is important to you? When is the last time someone asked you how you are, AND then asked follow up questions to learn more?
Feeling unseen by others undercuts self-worth. It sends a message that you aren’t a priority in their life. We have all experienced this, and we have all overlooked someone. Think about people you see every day or week - family, friends, coworkers, neighbors, or even someone you follow on social media. Have you checked in with them about how they’re doing lately? Do you know what they’ve been struggling with, celebrating, or reflecting on? How much do you know about the important people in their lives? Overlooking others is more common than you may realize. While you might be linked on social media or see each other in meetings and send brief messages back & forth, it doesn’t mean you are actually connected.
LET OTHERS KNOW YOU SEE THEM
Learn and remember peoples’ names - the most basic way to see someone.
Make eye contact. Smile. Nod. Say hello. Be present.
Stay off your phone/screens when with others in-person. Give them your attention.
Return a text, DM, email or phone call. It doesn’t need to be a long response. Just let them know you saw it. You have time. Imagine if someone gave the excuse, “sorry I didn’t say hi or wave when I saw you in the hallway. It’s not personal, I just have too many people greeting me and I can’t respond to everyone.” If a longer response is necessary, let them know you’ll get back to them…and then follow through.
Listen with full attention. Reflect back what you hear. Ask questions. Be curious. Listen without fixing, rescuing, giving advice, or needing to agree/disagree. Just hear them.
Check in on personal details. Acknowledge significant events like: birthdays, anniversaries, enduring a tough week, ending a relationship, getting a new job or promotion, recovering from illness, or completing an important task. No need to throw a party or make a big deal. Just recognize it was important to someone and ask how they’re feeling about it.
Show interest. Even if you don’t agree with or understand what they’re interested in. It’s not always about you. Let them know you care because it’s important to them.
Empathize, support, accept and comfort. It’s not your job to judge or try to change someone.
It feels good when someone lets you know that you matter and you are valued for who you are. Take a minute to step outside yourself and SEE someone else. Imagine what the world could be like if we all did this more.
I see you.