EVERYTHING IS NOT FINE
How many times did you tell someone that you were fine, when you weren’t? How often do you stuff your feelings, or keep them hidden, because you don’t feel capable of dealing with how big they feel? Admit it. We all do this regularly.
Ironically, when you deny how you’re feeling to others, the emotions tend to leak out anyway. Through your body language, tone of voice, facial expressions, or other non-verbal cues – there’s a strong chance you are letting others know that “something is not okay!” even though you are saying, “everything is fine.”
Covering up how you feel stems from a variety of reasons.
o Social construct – it’s an unspoken rule for how people “should” respond
o Image - you want others to believe that you are doing well, handling life just fine
o Fear of judgment – you feel embarrassed, ashamed or lesser-than when you struggle
o Avoiding reality – if you acknowledge your problems, then you have to face them
o Dodging conflicts – sharing how you feel may lead to negative reactions from others
o Shielding yourself –it seems easier to ignore the pain than to feel how overwhelming it is
o Desire to be ‘low maintenance’ –you don’t want to share what’s going on for fear you’ll be viewed as a burden, needy, or difficult
You are not alone in this. Everyone has times when it’s all they can do to just hold it together until the end of the day. Give yourself permission to be honest with how you’re feeling
· Start by being honest with yourself. Acknowledge your emotions. Name them if you can.
· Do not judge your feelings. They aren’t good or bad, right or wrong. Feelings are channels to deeper personal insight.
· Approach your emotions with curiosity. Where do they sit in your body? When and with whom do certain feelings get triggered the most?
· When emotions begin to feel overwhelming, make time to step back and reset or recalibrate.
· Identify one person who feels safe enough to share your honest feelings with.
· Give yourself permission to not always be okay. You don’t always have to smile or put on an “I’m fine” mask.
· Reach out for support, ask for help from a professional when you are not okay.
The next time someone asks how you’re doing, and your day is honestly not great … say that. If you’re feeling lower today than you were yesterday, acknowledge it. The longer you try to ignore things, the bigger the problems and the feelings become.