WHEN YOU ASSUME… YOU KNOW WHAT THEY SAY

Everyone does it. We have an experience, or learn of something someone said or did, and then we make speculations or assumptions about what it all means - usually without checking out the truth of the matter. An assumption is when you tell yourself something is true without actually having evidence or sufficient information to support it.  People use assumptions in order to manage, justify and even control circumstances.

Many assumptions are rooted in beliefs from your childhood, culture and people who’ve influenced you over time. Each person brings their own experience and background to a situation. These assumptions and jumping to conclusions can easily lead to damaging relationships and miscommunications, as well as raising anxiety or resulting in lower self-esteem and depression. Additionally, assumptions get in the way of seeing possibilities and thinking creatively. They often cast a shadow of negativity on a person or a situation.

CHECK YOURSELF

·      How often do you believe that you “totally get” what someone says, without first clarifying?

·      Do you think that the way you see something is the only possibility for how it actually is?

·      Do you notice that how you FEEL about someone influences what you believe about them?

Making assumptions about a person or situation happens in a split second.

1.     You choose the data or information you want to focus on (often ignoring other information)

2.     You apply your own beliefs (not always based in truth)

3.     You add meaning & draw conclusions to fit your interpretation

4.     You take action based on your conclusion

5.     You look for more “proof” that supports your conclusion (again carefully selecting the data that fits and often overlooking facts that might change the meaning you’ve created)

TAKE A MINUTE AND…

-       Pay attention to times when you jump to conclusions or make assumptions. Notice patterns of who it tends to be with, or situations when it typically happens.

-       Practice listening in order to understand better. Investigate a deeper meaning. Mirror back what you think you’ve heard or observed.

-       Ask yourself: What evidence do I have that this is true? Is this a feeling, a thought or a fact? What is a different way of seeing this? What else might be going on here? How have I checked out the reality of my beliefs?

-       Try accepting that you don’t always know the full truth of a situation or a person. Take steps to embrace uncertainty. Do you really need to know all the answers? Is it okay to agree with what someone says right now? Can you tolerate a different meaning than what you initially assumed? 

Guessing your way through life puts you at risk for increased anxiety, frustration and conflict.  Try to make an effort to challenge some of the thoughts and assumptions that invite negativity. Approach people and situations with curiosity and a desire to better understand. You might be pleasantly surprised how it reduces your stress and improves your overall outlook.