Asking For and Receiving Support

Getting help is not an easy thing to ask for. When you face hard times and could use extra support, how do you let others know? Many people don’t, for a number of reasons.

 

OBSTACLES TO ASKING FOR SUPPORT

  • Believing it is a sign of weakness. In reality, asking for help is a sign of strength and insight.

  • Thinking you don’t “deserve” it. Everyone needs support – you are no exception.

  • Being choosy or assuming someone won’t be supportive limits your options prematurely.

  • Not knowing how to ask. (keep reading…there are some tips below!)

  • Worrying that if you ask for support now, you’ll be indebted.

  • Waiting for someone to ask how you’re doing or what you need. Not everyone will be tuned in. OR, they may not know how to check in with you.

 

It can be awkward to ask people for support or to check in on you once in a while. And, if people do ask how they can support you, it might be difficult to know how to respond. So instead, you answer with, “I’m fine. I can’t think of anything right now.” – shutting people out.

 

CONSIDER WHEN ASKING FOR HELP…

  • What is the context of your relationship? This helps you target what kind of support you’re comfortable asking for.

  • Offer some background. “I’m a single parent and am struggling to…”, “I live alone and would appreciate…”

  • Match your request with a particular strength or interest of the person. Who likes to cook, watch kids, give hugs, talk, etc.? Be specific with your needs and make it meaningful if you can.

  • Be careful to not shut down a request before even trying. You do not know 100% how others will respond until you give them a chance. 

SO, WHERE DO YOU START? HOW DO YOU KNOW WHAT TO ASK FOR?

  • Keep a list handy of things that you need help with or ways you could use support.

  • Think about the different sources of support: friends, family, colleagues, neighbors, community resource, therapist, coach, teacher, peers, church, etc.

  • Play around with different ways you might reach out to someone…what feels most comfortable? “I’m struggling with _____. Would you be willing to _____?” “I’ve been feeling _____ lately. It would mean a lot if you’d check in a few times.” “Life has been overwhelming. Any chance you’re free to chat, or do something social?” “I could really use a hug/a good book/someone to listen/ patience/ encouragement/a walking buddy/a reminder to breathe.”

  • Be genuine. No drama, justification or self-doubt. Keep it simple. Let someone know what’s going on with you and how they can help if they’re able.

  • Make your request specific. It is less overwhelming to others when they know what you need.

  • Set up a culture of support at home, work and in your circle of friends. Help when you are able.

 

We all benefit from giving and receiving support. Reach out for both.

ArticlesHeather Kassman