Toxic Positivity
We’ve all done it. And we all know someone who SEEMS to constantly appear in a good mood, able to handle even the most difficult situations; someone who can largely be described as a happy person no matter what. “Toxic positivity” is a term used to explain when someone is disproportionately optimistic in all situations.
While being positive and cheerful is a great thing, it can also result in you denying or minimizing important emotional experiences. If there is pressure to show others that life is good all the time, you risk invalidating or covering up very real feelings that get shoved below the surface.
People regularly experience emotions such as anger, sadness, resentment, envy, nervousness, disgust, fear and confusion. If you constantly put on a cheerful face, you not only deny yourself the freedom to express other emotions, you also create a false image for friends, family, coworkers and your community. The reality is, sometimes life is hard.
When you avoid unpleasant emotions, it is challenging for others to connect with and relate to you, and you ignore an essential part of who you are. You are also more likely to form superficial or disingenuous relationships with others. How comfortable are you in exposing your difficult feelings, if you have never seen someone struggle with their own?
SIGNS OF TOXIC POSITIVITY
You respond to tough situations with “it is what it is” or “look at the positive side!”
Hiding or avoiding intense feelings that seem negative in nature
Apologizing when you show feelings other than being happy or cheerful
Denying that something bothers you
Responding to others with quote or meme’s… to “cheer them up”
Invalidating someone by saying “it could be worse”, or “at least______”
Ignoring feelings so you can “just get on with things”
When you disallow emotions, it raises stress on physical and mental health levels. A range of emotions help you regulate and guide you through various circumstances. If you’re sad about something ending (a relationship, a job, moving), it probably means it was significant. If you’re nervous about a situation, it probably means it’s important to you and you care.
DISCARDING TOXIC POSITIVITY
Instead of pushing difficult emotions aside, allow them to surface. You’ll be okay. You’ll survive.
If you find yourself spiraling down an emotionally intense path, remind yourself it’s temporary.
You are not your emotions. Just because you feel something, it’s not 100% who you are.
Identify what you can and cannot change or control. When you feel something, you control how to express it. You choose how to navigate your emotions!
Recognize patterns of thinking that show up more often than others. If your tendency is to always find the positive, even in the worst scenarios, challenge that thought. It’s okay to not feel great about every little thing. When you acknowledge tough moments, you move through them sooner.
If it feels too overwhelming to open yourself up to more emotions, let a professional support you through it. It helps to have someone remind you that you can feel deeply and survive – even thrive.