Complain, Criticize or Contribute

These days it’s easy to fall into the habit of finding fault with people and situations. We see it in social media, the news, bullying others, and focusing on how many problems there are in the world. When criticism becomes the norm, we often fail to see the path of negativity we’re on. How much time do you spend each day listening to complaining, whining, and criticism? How much time do you spend dispensing the complaints and criticism?

Some people couch their criticisms in “just being realistic”. And while it’s important to see the reality of problems around us, there is also a necessary balance in turning attention to how you contribute to the world as well. Some people have found that the easiest way to connect with others is by joining them in their complaining or criticisms. They feel engaged and a part of something. Imagine how connected it might feel to be part of a group who adds something positive into the mix!

When you criticize more than you contribute, you forfeit opportunities to practice compassion, empathy, being proactive, and lifting others up. Diving into feeling disillusioned with the world without any effort to make changes, only builds resentment, bitterness, and apathy. Leaning into indifference, anger, cynicism and disgust will not create change. It only encourages misery.

SWITCH FROM CRITICIZING TO CONTRIBUTING – add meaning and walk away from helplessness

·      Seek understanding – listen and learn without judgment. Have respectful conversations. Brainstorm solutions or different paths forward.

·      Get involved – take all that energy you’re putting into condemnation and redirect it toward taking action. How can you do your part to create change and improvements? Make room for possibility rather than sinking further into despair and pessimism.

·      Get rid of the “buts” – every time you insert the word ‘but’ into a sentence, you negate everything that came before it. Try replacing it with ‘and’. Notice the difference between, “Yah, you could try that BUT here’s all the ways it might go wrong.” Compared to, “Yah, you could try that AND let’s make sure to address any possible problems so we can troubleshoot or work around them.” The AND leads you to thinking beyond the negative.

·      Notice good work and positive efforts – instead of focusing on all that is faulty, pick out what is being done well or headed in a hopeful direction. This way of thinking is contagious and might even inspire other around you. It helps awaken potential rather than digging a deeper hole.

·      Prioritize the issue you find most troublesome. Limit it to 3 or less. Then commit to examining those issues with an eye toward how you might contribute to making things better… even if it’s only in small ways. Every little step is helpful. Each person has something to offer that can make an impact: Reduce personal energy consumption; increase personal conservation efforts; be kind to someone who is having a hard day; donate instead of throwing something away; create small moments of joy in your work/school; volunteer; put your time & energy into things you are passionate about and limit feelings of helplessness about being in the world you live in.

The next time you find yourself complaining or criticizing, ask yourself, "What difference can I make? How am I contributing to positive change?”