What Defines You?

Everyone at some point in their life creates an idea of how they see themselves. Over time, those definitions become deeply rooted and restrictive or no longer remain true. How you define yourself may be tied to many aspects:

• a job title

• roles & relationships (mom, girlfriend of)

• physical characteristics (blind, tall)

• personality traits (kind, persistent)

• mental health issues (depressed, borderline)

• beliefs or values (religion, vegan, punctual)

• ethnic or cultural background

• personal history (divorced, adopted)

• past mistakes (poor judgment or unhealthy choices)

• financial status or material possessions

• good at ____ or not so good at ____

We all have a “story of self”.  An identity that contains a past, present, and future, complete with common threads that weave throughout it all. We believe these often limited personal profiles and work hard to portray this to others (not always on a conscious level). When you define yourself narrowly, you not only ignore numerous aspects that make up the whole of yourself, you also limit opportunities for new growth and changes within.

Think about what you post on social media or what you choose to share with others in phone calls and messages. Do you represent yourself in a genuinely true manner? If you’re choosing to only share certain things, - what are you leaving out? What does your shared information say about you? What does it say about how you would like others to see you?

When you think about who you are, what other voices do you hear - family, friends, people from work, classmates, neighbors? Or maybe it’s more of a societal viewpoint that whispers suggestions as to who you are and how you “should be”? How you describe yourself defines yourself.

Remember a time when you were so attached to how others saw you, or to how you presented yourself, that you lost track of your core self. All of us have done it at least once...usually quite a few times.  This is not only confusing but often leads to self-judgment. I regularly talk with clients who feel like a “fraud” in their job, a relationship, or even in their stated goals about how they want to improve their lives.

So, why do we get hung up on defining ourselves?  Rather than limiting yourself to a simple definition of your complex self, consider moving forward into the new year by defining how you want to live, what awarenesses you wish to explore, and where you want your focus to be. Try out new perspectives and see the many facets that make you, YOU. Do it without expectation or judgment. It might be a little scary at first, but chances are it will be freeing as you move forward to possibilities in your life and self.