How Are You Holding Up?
Every day, I hear people wishing for the “reset button”. While change is inevitable in everyone’s life, the most difficult changes to navigate are those that are unexpected or where you have limited control. For instance, a pandemic that leads to health concerns, loss of jobs, schools & businesses closing, canceled travel & social plans, and being quarantined alone OR with others 24/7. Any of these situations would be stressful by themselves. When you put them all together, the coping skills that worked in the past might not be as effective as they once were.
Consider the work of Abraham Maslow. In 1943 he wrote a paper using the simple premise that people will not be happy or the best version of themselves unless they have their needs met. Maslow’s Hierarchy of Needs is best known as a five-tier model of human needs, depicted as ranked levels within a pyramid. Needs lower down on the pyramid must be satisfied before individuals can focus on the needs higher up. (see the graphic connected with this article)
MASLOW’S NEEDS OUTLINED
Physiological needs/homeostasis – basic such as food, shelter, clothing and sleep.
Safety/Security – including personal, physical, emotional, health and financial security.
Love & Belonging/Connection – family relations, friendships and feeling connected to others.
Self-Esteem/Feeling accomplished – addressing confidence, achievement and individuality.
Self-Actualization/Fulfillment – encompasses creativity, problem solving, purpose and meaning.
Many of these needs are things we take for granted until recently. Suddenly, the world is diving back down the pyramid to the most basic needs like jobs, health, security or certainty. Without warning, people’s general well-being is feeling threatened, and anxiety is on the rise. When primary needs are at risk, fear and vulnerability ignite survival mode, which can take various forms:
It’s harder to focus
Emotions feel much more intense
Motivation is lacking
People are more irritable
You crave more interaction and connection with others
You’re more forgetful
It’s difficult to plan for the future
Things feel out of control and unpredictable
WHAT CAN YOU DO?
Allow time to grieve what has been lost, but be careful to not get lost in the grief.
Let go of rigid beliefs about how things are “supposed to be”, or how they will be.
Accept that change is inevitable. Focus on moving forward, not fighting the changes.
Explore positive aspects that have resulted from this. There may be hidden or subtle “gifts” that would not have occurred if not for the recent changes.
Shift your attention away from what you’ve lost and start looking toward what new opportunities may come, and how you might benefit. Be patient.
Go back to basics. If you need to rebuild, be thoughtful in how you want to move forward.
Seek the comfort of friends and family. You are not alone in this.
Life was likely not ideal for many of you before the world turned upside down. You are going to be okay. Reach out for professional support. Talk with someone about how to best cope. You may be able to find meaning or purpose of your situation as you work your way back up the pyramid of needs.