Take A Look At Yourself
When is the last time you wished you could take back something you said or did, or when you wished you had handled a situation differently? Most of us don’t have to think back too far. What about the last time you apologized, corrected, or took accountability for something? That can be a bit more difficult. Sometimes we choose to ignore our part in things – hoping it will just go away, or that no one will notice. Often, we point the finger at someone or something else.
ACCOUNTABILITY is the willingness to accept responsibility or to account for one's actions. Why is it so difficult to hold ourselves accountable: for our actions, thoughts, feelings, commitments, beliefs, communications, lack of action, and choices? Because…
Blaming others or hiding is easier
It protects you from being vulnerable
It allows you to control the ‘story’
You can sway others in how they see you (hero, victim, blameless, etc.)
No matter what your explanation - fear, and self-esteem are likely involved on some level. The good news is, it’s not too late to reverse these habits! Accountability is less about laying/taking the blame, and more about accepting the truth of a situation with as little judgment as possible. To be accountable is “to be counted on.” To blame is “to find fault with, to criticize, reproach.”
WHAT TO DO if you struggle with holding yourself accountable:
Practice self-awareness, being able to see yourself clearly and objectively through introspection
Create time & space to check in with yourself. What are you feeling, thinking, needing?
What ‘wants your attention’? (fears, stressors, hopes, assumptions…)
Accept that you are human – you make mistakes, and you don’t have everything figured out.
Understand that your actions, words, and choices affect others.
Be honest. Ask: “what are my hidden agendas?” “how do I contribute to conflicts in my life?” “when do I try to control situations or people?”
Act, don’t React. Respond with clarity and awareness. Pay attention to when you snap at others, sabotage, avoid, disrupt, accuse, triangulate, lie, give the silent treatment, manipulate, etc.
Be aware of the stories you hold onto. The more you focus on how someone else messed up, wronged you, or that circumstances got in your way, the harder to see your part in things.
Accountability recognizes that everyone stumbles, makes mistakes, and even fails. When you become more aware and accepting of your own flaws (without judgment), you will see: improvements in your relationships, others will respect you more, and your self-esteem will improve. Working on accountability can be challenging. It takes intention and willingness to learn new ways of thinking and acting, in all parts of your life.