What A Loving Relationship Looks Like
Most of us have a general picture of we think love looks like. When you’re younger it may be more like a fairytale. As you get older, there might be more focus on finding a “soul-mate”. Sometimes we’re just hoping for someone to love and share a life with – nothing grand or spectacular.
The idea of love being like a romantic comedy – lots of hearts, flowers, and “you-complete-me monologues” – is honestly not the healthiest expectation of true love. If you believe that another person will solve your problems, boost your self-esteem or ‘make you whole’, you put your relationship at jeopardy to fail. You risk either putting your happiness into the hands of another person OR overlooking potential red flags in an effort to hold on to an imagined perfect partner.
LOVING RELATIONSHIP IDEALLY INCLUDE
Honesty & Trust – being able to genuinely rely on each other
Respecting individuality, independence (time alone, separate friends & interests), beliefs
Supporting each other’s goals, dreams & ambitions; taking interest
Encouraging personal growth in each other
Emotional well-being is NOT dependent on each other's mood
Willingness to learn from each other; problem solve together
Friendship - some shared activities and interests; having fun together; enjoying each other
Honoring each other’s priorities, concerns; NOT placing one person’s needs over the other’s
Comfortable making your own decisions without worrying about your partner’s response
Feeling safe, emotionally, mentally and physically
Openness – to seeing things from each other’s perspective; willingness to make changes
Healthy self-care by both partners; addressing physical, emotional & psychological care, working on maintaining life-balance
Ability to compromise or negotiate when there are disagreements/conflict; it’s okay to disagree
Open communication; listen & share feelings/thoughts, in a way that is safe and non-judgmental
Accountability – self-awareness; apologizing when appropriate, accepting that what you do affects each other; taking responsibility for your own emotions; owning your behaviors. This is NEVER about accepting blame for things you did not do!
Think about your closest friendships. The ones that last are the ones you work on. It’s the same for partnerships. Love is not always easy. Some days will feel wonderful. Other days may feel exhausting or challenging. Ideally, a relationship feels good & uplifting MORE than it feels disappointing or hopeless. If it is painful or difficult most of the time, then you may be in an unhealthy relationship.