You Are More Than What You Do
Society is obsessed with achievement. People believe they are only as good as what they accomplish, what they have, or how many times they “win”. We are rewarded through grades, money, medals and rankings –igniting a pressure to overachieve. And in the process, a person’s qualities and sense of self are lost to those rewards (or lack thereof).
When self-worth is tied to achievement, you feel good every time you accomplish something big. But when you struggle or fail, you risk feeling worthless or without value. Thus, generating a cycle of anxiety that revolves around your accolades. Consider the pressure young people have to get good grades, or to attain titles like “top” & “best”, or to have the highest ranking in something. Think about how adults measure success by where they went to school, how much they make, what their family members are doing, and by how many awards or ‘wins’ they’ve had.
Erik Erikson theorized that people go through a range of developmental stages from building an identity, to creating significant bonds with others, to helping enrich the next generation. So, as you grow older and mature, a ‘meaningful life’ becomes less about your list of recognitions and more about how you’ve helped others and contributed to the world around you.
HOW TO REDEFINE SUCCESS
Instead of identifying someone by what they do, learn more about who they are
List the things you love about yourself that have nothing to do with achievement. What are your qualities?
Look at who you are as a friend, family member, parent, volunteer or community member
How do you contribute to the world around you? Do you help others learn, do you have empathy and compassion for others, and do you value those around you?
Similarly, what positive impact do you have in the world? How do you make a difference?
Do you have moments of happiness in your life? Do you take time to appreciate them?
How much effort do you put into your relationships (family, friends, co-workers, neighbors)?
Do you acknowledge when you tried your best … no matter what the result?
I am not suggesting that we don’t need to set goals, or work toward achievements. Those can be important. I AM asking that you make more room for valuing your successes as a person; for who you are. We can reframe our lives so that there is more meaning and purpose, and the ways in which we measure this can be redefined.