When Someone is Constantly Critical
We all know someone who regularly finds a way to criticize people & situations. Or perhaps you are that person? It could be family, friends, bosses, teachers, co-workers or even strangers. Critical people are typically judgmental, frequently point out what you’re doing wrong, and seldom have something positive to say. They have a habit of bringing down the conversation and scrutinizing every little thing. It’s almost like they are waiting to pounce on something with a negative comment.
Critical people leave others feeling self-conscious, disempowered or even outraged and defensive. Their message comes across as “I’m okay and you’re not.” This can be incredibly difficult if you see this person on a regular basis! It’s frustrating and draining. The average person can only process so much negativity before becoming angry, anxious, depressed or self-justifying.
HOW TO KNOW WHEN SOMEONE IS OVERLY CRITICAL
They usually find the negative; picking apart others, and even themselves
They are rarely satisfied. They have high expectations - nothing is good enough
They complain a LOT. They do not hide their dissatisfaction with situations or people
They have trouble accepting or giving a compliment. They deflect or dismiss compliments and are not comfortable giving others positive feedback
They are frequently irritated; with you, themselves, the world. It’s tough to lighten up when you see the world as flawed or that nobody is doing what you think they should
They find it difficult to enjoy most things. They spend more time focusing on what is wrong and have difficulty seeing what is good
You have a choice in how to respond. You can get defensive and try to fight back. This typically fuels the situations and creates rifts. You can stay silent, but this might lead the critical person to believe you accept their comments as truth. So, what is actually helpful?
HOW TO HANDLE IT WHEN SOMEONE IS CRITICAL
Don’t take it personally. Their criticism is rarely about you. It’s likely a reflection of their general unhappiness or negative beliefs about life.
Understand the actual message. They may have good intentions & believe they’re being helpful. Hone in on WHAT is communicated, instead of HOW. This might shed a different light on things.
Ask yourself: “What bothers me about their comments?” This will help you figure out the best response.
Be assertive, not aggressive. Avoid responding on the same level. Respond respectfully while standing up for yourself. Let them know their criticism is hurtful or unappreciated.
Give feedback. Communicate that something is not helpful or that it is hurtful. “When you point out all the things that are wrong, I feel _________.”
Set boundaries. Offer a healthy alternative. “It would be helpful if you point out things you appreciate about me & if you have concerns, try to frame it in a constructive way.”
Remember your own value. Be careful to not internalize another person’s harsh words.
Disengage or ignore if possible. If someone’s criticism is out of line and they continue to press the issue, you have the right to walk away or not react at all. Acknowledge that you heard them, and communicate that you choose to not continue the discussion. If they keep going, they’re just looking to ignite a response and it’s not worth staying engaged.
How we view the world not only shapes our experience of it, but can affect those around us as well. If negativity takes up more space than finding the positive… that’s a difficult way to live day to day