Coping With Disappointment
Disappointment can be incredibly uncomfortable. It’s multifaceted; tied to other emotions such as anger, fear, hurt, anxiety, and sadness. Disappointment can range from letting go of minor hopes to shattering a dream you’ve held for years. No matter what the extent of disappointment is, how you choose to handle it is what matters in the end.
Most of us get our first taste of disappointment when we are children: your parents take away an opportunity, a friend lets you down, you mess up in school/sports/activities, or an adult doesn’t advocate for you when you need extra support. And it doesn’t end there. As we get older, there are disappointments when: your candidate loses, someone betrays your trust, a relationship ends, you aren’t chosen for a job, or you miss out on occasion you had been looking forward to for a while.
Disappointment can be the result of uncontrollable life events, or the product of unrealistic thoughts, wishes, and goals. Either way, it can feel deflating, and even hopeless at times.
RESET AFTER THE LETDOWN
Accept that it happened and allow yourself to feel it. The sooner you remind yourself that it is an unfortunate part of life, you can normalize the situation and move forward, rather than get stuck in the misery. Sit with it for a few hours or days before making big decisions or laying blame.
Get perspective. How much importance are you putting on this? How do others perceive it? What is the actual impact on your life? Will this matter in 3 days, months or years? If another person is involved, were their actions intentional? Will you survive this disappointment?
Review expectations – yours, others (friends, family, supervisor, teachers, coworkers). How realistic are they? If they belong to someone else, how much power do you want to give other people’s expectations? Do the expectations serve you well? What would happen if you changed or shifted the expectations?
Reframe. What’s the bigger picture? Try to separate the feelings from the facts. This can help you feel less tied down by emotion. What “gifts” or lessons came from this? If you can’t change what happened, change how you think about it.
Decrease the amount of energy spent on dwelling. Dwelling reinforces beliefs that life is ALWAYS discouraging and unsatisfactory. Shift your self-talk. “It happened and now I need to figure out my next steps.” Or “I can choose to do something differently now.”
Let go of attachments. The more you cling to things turning out in a certain way, the greater your disappointment. Imagine what life will be like if someone or something is no longer in your life, or if the desired outcome of something looks different. Consider if it might be freeing or a relief.
Take action to move forward. Try again or make some changes. Start small. Create attainable goals and take steps to move onward. Accomplishments, no matter how small hold a lot of power and can affect personal confidence and motivation.
If you repeatedly experience disappointment in your life, consider that you may struggle with irrational thoughts and expectations. Fortunately, this is something that can be improved! Ask yourself, do I want to be stuck in disappointment, or create a more positive path for myself?