Walls Are Not A Sign of Strength
VULNERABILITY IS NOT A SIGN OF WEAKNESS
We live in a time when there is heightened division, loneliness, and feeling disconnected from others. There are so many possible reasons why this might be, but I don’t want to talk about those reasons. I want to talk about how we can deepen our connections.
When life feels uncertain & unstable, or you’ve been hurt by someone - it’s common to build emotional walls. We try to protect ourselves by closing down points of vulnerability. We put up walls as a defense mechanism in anticipation of what might come next. Many see this as a sign of strength; and yet it really isn’t. Hardening yourself or shutting others out only adds to feelings of disconnection.
Interestingly, being vulnerable is a driving force to feeling connected. It is not a sign of being weak, or passive. It actually takes immense strength and courage to be vulnerable. Vulnerability is about BEING YOURSELF, taking emotional gambles and exposing your true nature (including flaws, fears and sensitivities). It opens you up “being seen and heard”, and risks being hurt or rejected. You will occasionally get hurt. It’s part of being in relationships, living life and being human. And, you will survive. You will be okay.
SIGNS YOU HAVE PUT UP EMOTIONAL WALLS
You do not cry or get too angry with your partner, friends or family
You avoid talking about feelings – or if you do, you keep it superficial and light
You feel defensive about your values or opinions
You minimize the importance of events
You have self-doubt when it comes to sharing personal things about yourself with others
Imagine if you lived with fewer walls. Would you tell someone how you feel about them? Or change jobs? Or give a new relationship a chance?
HOW TO APPROACH VULNERABILITY
Tune into yourself – your thoughts, feelings, values, preferences, etc.
Assess the situation – choose people, settings & timing that feel more accepting
Share your feelings
Say what you want
Express what you really think
Ask for what you need – be clear and concise
Vulnerability does not mean oversharing or offering every detail of your life. There are times to be guarded and times that involve less risk. While there are no guarantees of the outcome, you can work on feeling good about your ability to cope if it doesn’t go as anticipated.
Take down some of those emotional walls and allow yourself to be vulnerable. It may open you up to positive changes, new relationships, different perspectives, and to being YOU. You can move beyond the tendency to judge or criticize others, as you reveal some of your own imperfections and find that many people still want to connect with you.