Family Dynamics in Times of Stress
All families deal with stress at one time or another and we’re definitely seeing a rise in family stress right now! When stressors are particularly high, it can feel emotionally draining for everyone.
Each family responds differently to difficult times. Some reactions include:
Unhealthy communicating such as arguments, fighting, blaming & hurtful words
Overall exhaustion – physical & emotional – leading to hiding from the problems
Misunderstandings that result in damage to relationships
Lying, withholding information from each other
Increased situational anxiety or depression
Ignoring each other, reduced affection, neglect
Family members “taking sides” or “ganging up on” others
Intensified use or dependence on drugs, alcohol, food and other habits in an attempt to cope
Abusive behaviors – verbal, emotional, mental, physical, sexual, property, spiritual & financial
Some families might stop communicating altogether
Preferably, a family experiencing stress and hardship will work to treat each other with respect. They will create a setting where everyone feels safe to voice their feelings or opinions.
WHAT TO STRIVE FOR
Actively listen – let the person know you heard them with responses like nodding or asking clarifying questions. Put aside your own thoughts and just listen with curiosity, not judgment.
Be empathetic – even if you do not understand how someone feels or believe their emotions are irrational, you do not need to correct them! Let them have their emotions. Keep an open mind.
Be honest, not aggressive – it’s okay to let someone know you disagree or if they crossed a line. Do it respectfully. Share how you feel & what you need using “I statements”. No finger-pointing.
Address problems as they arise – do not let situations fester. Use facts and own your part in it.
Establish boundaries – if you do not want to engage in gossip, backstabbing, or ‘drama’, be clear about it. If it happens, walk away, redirect conversations, or calmly let them know you don’t want to be part of it.
Acknowledge communication differences – some people prefer to talk things through while others figure things out on their own before sharing. Neither is right or wrong.
Recognize when things are stressful –People often jump right to emotional reactions and neglect acknowledging that a situation is difficult. Validate each other when times are tough - name it.
Being related doesn’t mean you get along in every situation, share the same views, or even enjoy being with each other all the time. However, if you want to maintain some manner of a relationship, you may need to work a bit harder when times are challenging. Before complaining, opposing, criticizing, ask yourself, “Is this the hill I want to die on?” In other words, not every situation requires a battle. In fact, most do not.