Love is Not Enough For a Relationship
The definition of love has been debated for years. There are many different kinds of love: love for friends, family, pets… basic love for humanity. Some people swear love is a false emotion while others believe everyone needs love in order to survive. And while I won’t pretend I have all the answers, I do want to address the issue of whether loving someone is enough to maintain a relationship with them. This question comes up regularly in my practice and can be confusing in certain situations.
SOME EXAMPLES WHERE LOVE GETS COMPLICATED
Two people love each other but at different levels (friends? partners? temporary? forever?)
You love someone but they do things that are hurtful sometimes
You love each other but do not enjoy spending a lot of time together
You love someone but they do not meet your expectations or needs
Someone loves you but does not feel ready for a serious relationship
A parent loves their child but feels uncomfortable telling them or showing it
You love each other but there is little or no physical attraction
Someone uses their love to manipulate the other – setting ultimatums or conditions
You love each other but the relationship is toxic for whatever reason
A person honestly doesn’t know how to define love & therefore cannot label relationships with it
Love typically means there is a bond between two people. Depending on who you ask, it may or may not include feelings of mutual attraction, affection, respect, protectiveness, or commitment. You can have love for someone and care about what happens to them, and yet know you do not want to be with them in an ongoing and committed relationship.
It can be incredibly confusing. How can you love someone who isn’t good for you? It happens all the time. It is possible to always have a bond with someone and at the same time know you need to let them go. You can maintain loving feelings for someone, even if they are making a mess of their life. The important part is that love does not obligate you to rescue, fix or stick by that person when it is unhealthy for you.
Relationships are different than love. Love is a feeling, while relationships have conditions. Ideally, a healthy relationship includes conditions such as how each person wants to be treated. If those conditions are not met, it doesn’t matter how strong the love is. The relationship cannot be sustained on love alone.
Love does not justify staying in a relationship if someone is being hurt or if the dynamics are not healthy. It’s more than okay to end a relationship, or at the very least, disengage for a while from someone you love. In fact, sometimes it is the kindest thing you can do, for both of you.
If you are questioning a relationship or need support in choosing what is best for you and the other person, reach out to someone who can be objective in their support.