Perfectionism is Not Healthy Motivation

Perfectionism is a personality trait that is demonstrated through overly high expectations and can be quite harmful to a person’s well-being. It is a common factor in mental health issues such as anxiety, depression, OCD and low self-esteem. Perfectionists seek validation & approval from others and fear making a mistake or being judge & criticized.

Interestingly, perfectionists often achieve less than others due to the harmful grip of their own internal pressure and attempts for flawlessness. They focus so much energy on avoiding judgement or failure, while dismissing compliments and successes. Their expectations overflow to others as well – if someone doesn’t perform up to their expectations, they are quick to criticize and belittle others.

 SIGNS OF PERFECTIONISM

• Setting unrealistically high goals and benchmarks

• Seeking approval for doing something well

• All of nothing thinking – nothing can be less than perfect

• Highly critical of yourself and others. Pointing out faults regularly

• ‘Motivated’ by fear of failing or making a mistake

• Procrastinating or avoiding situations that might result in ‘less than perfect’

• Negative self-talk – labeling self as stupid, lazy or not good enough

• Dwelling on past mistakes

• Dismissing compliments

• Loud inner critic leading to low self-esteem, beating yourself up

• Viewing constructive feedback as disparagement and strong criticism of you as a person

Rather than recognizing that personal standards are too high or rigid, perfectionists fall into the belief that they are deficient, faulty or lacking in some way. This quickly leads to depression, anxiety and a downward spiral of self-esteem.

STOP THE HARMFUL BELIEFS

• Be aware of how often you compare yourself to others or seek outside approval.

• Recognize when you are driven by the fear of failure rather than a desire to do well. There’s a difference.

• Explore risks & chances you are willing to take - where you can be OK if things go wrong.

• Focus on the enjoyment or excitement of being challenged - not whether something will be the best, most recognized or most difficult to achieve compared to others.

• Be compassionate with yourself. Use self-talk such as, “Nice job working hard.” “It’s great that I’m learning and enjoying what I’m doing”.

• Find pleasure in growing from mistakes – what might you do differently next time?

• Accept compliments and allow yourself to celebrate all levels of accomplishment. Sometimes the smallest victories and things learned are the most rewarding.

• Embrace who you are, as is. Striving to be perfect or better than, takes away from your wonderful flaws and imperfections. It also diminishes your efforts to improve.

• Get support from others who want to celebrate your accomplishments.

Everyone struggles with limitations, mistakes, flaws and the fear of messing up. It’s what makes you human! Your imperfections make your relatable and help you to grow into a more resilient person. Find motivation in learning and improving, and leave out the harmful inner critic. We are ALL learning and growing.