Giving or Sacrifice?

You all know someone who constantly gives, is known for “always being there”,  and will sacrifice themselves to accommodate others. In fact, YOU might be that person! Holidays can be a tricky time for finding the balance between helping others selflessly and sacrificing your well-being. It’s a time when we’d like to be caring and generous; when we want to show others how much they mean to us. And in the process, many of you will abandon or neglect yourself. It’s easy to do, when there are so many people in need.

You want to believe that you doing the “right” thing, and instead of walking away fulfilled or glad you helped, you feel burned out. Self-sacrifice is equal to undervaluing yourself. I’m not suggesting you stop giving or being big-hearted! I just don’t want you to clip your own wings in order to make someone happy. You are important too.

SIGNS OF SACRICING YOUR WELL-BEING

  • Feeling ‘guilty’ for putting your needs ahead of others’

  • Giving up your own time, energy or projects in order to help others

  • Doing things out of a sense of obligation rather than a desire to be kind or helpful

  • Believing that if you don’t go above and beyond, others won’t value, respect or love you

  • Helping others as an escape of your own problems

  • Putting your self-care on the back burner to do something for others

  • Feeling manipulated or used

This isn’t about being selfish, or never helping another person out! I’m a huge promoter of service to others, being thoughtful and giving, and lending a hand when it feels good and doesn’t deplete you. 

THE DOWNSIDE OF PUTTING OTHERS BEFORE YOURSELF

  • It creates buried resentment when others rely on you to always step up, help out, or take the lead

  • It can result in codependency and a loss of respect for others who only take without giving

  • It eliminates an accountability and responsibility of others

  • It removes the chance for others to learn how to do something, or to participate in helping

 

 

FIND THE BALANCE

  • Be aware of your give & take ratios. How often do you give without receiving?

  • Explore the reason behind the imbalance. Do you want more recognition? Hope to be valued more? Believe that nothing will get done/done properly? Feel powerless or scared to say no?

  • Ask yourself what would be the worst outcome if you didn’t sacrifice yourself in the situation? Can you tolerate this?

  • Express your needs to others. A simple statement of, “I feel, I need” isn’t accusatory or demanding. It’s letting others know that you could use some help too.

The act of giving is enjoyable. To share what you have with others, with an intention of helping, feels wonderful! There is reward for both of you. Just be sure you are also giving to yourself.

ArticlesHeather Kassman